stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"

12/31/14

 

the good times are killing me

happy new
stress
hope this year i get
drunk
and laid

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12/28/14

 

vices and virtues/whatsapp messages

some guy wanted to 
get near me and I just 
yanked away, scared
then I wonder why I never got a date.

jesus I'm scared of humans.
the rest doesn't keep me sleepless.
only humans,
humans and their skin, their stubbles
and germans;

humans and their tvs,
their broken ankles,
their reproductive apparatus,
their thirst for young blood;

humans and their devices,
humans being deceived,
collective, massive,
and alone.

in shopping centres,
on the phone,
at school,
inside a bathroom 
behind closed doors.

I'm scared of people and 
their misconceptions,
of people and their quickness to judge,
their intolerance for the weaker, the stronger, or the stranger.

I like their art, I like their music and 
their buildings, I like their pets
and their books. 
I like humans who do not like humans,
who help me comprehend that 
it is normal to be one
and hate oneself
all the same.

I like their drugs, their deadly vices
their pleasures and their myths,
their wars and stories, but not in action.
inmortalized for the sake of sanity, for
my own understanding and observation.

I could go on, on and on,
but seemingly I'm not the only one
and nobody cares.

I guess I'll wait for him to text again.

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there is no rest

fuck new years resolutions,
they almost never work.
you know what doesn't work?
people who think they have it all figured out.
I wished for this new times to come
to be quieter; but
hey!! look at me. the road is full of bumps
I have hit head against the wall but
I've never broken it,
you know they say 
you should make mistakes in high school
but I'm not really sure that works a lot.
(well because I didn't make enough.)

I'm trying you see,
to get better.
to leave this addiction to
hatred and 
hopelessness.
but I guess it's my style
my type.



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12/25/14

 

correlating

degree after degree
average after average
inside, all inside
take it all in,
stan still to all jokes
degree after degree
i'll keep degrading
i'll keep fading
even if i wanted to write a song
all the names i come up with
will be useless
for my mind is blank
i fill the space between my hands
with rust and pencils
will it work?
i don't know
i'm not gettjng any happier
nor any thinner

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12/19/14

 

a different class

it's only been a week
but it feels like a truck
ran over me
it's only been five days
and i'm already questioning all my
thoughts,
all the people i thought
i knew so well.
sometimes i start to think
that i have made the wrong choices,
proving people wrong
has been the hardest task
i have ever accomplished.

i feel like i have no willpower
i wish this feeling stays
people like me better
when i shut up

i am tired all the time.
i see no beauty in no eyes.
there is no spark. just light,
buses trains and heat.
i can't get out.

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12/3/14

 

young turks

i'm still thinking about
yesterday.
i couldn't look 
at him in the eye.
i don't remember what he looked like.
he liked me but
i think i screwed up in some way?
at least he
took it slow
ugh i'm so bad at this

 

last night

i was a little 
disappointed because
the only people i wanted to see
last night weren't there.
i met a guy who kissed me
and left me smelling like him,
but there was shame in the 
way you looked at me.
this guy was nice and
he took things right and slow.
but i would have rather had you
sloppy, fast and wrong
but there was no use.
i still had fun.

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