stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"



reason no.5

signed it blood it read,
'I will'
and then the list went on:
'I will be there for you.'
'I will be there if you need to talk'

'I promise...'
'I promise I'll do that.'
'I promise I won't let you down'

and words fall
and it's just disappointing
that no one finishes anything they start
not even a sentence
a wish
a promise
a desire

I can't understand the need
to let everyone down
and to promise utopies
a trick

we think we think about others but we're just looking at our selves, reflected 

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reason no.4

prefer not saying
not staying
not looking
just typing

the words for a while
but there's a hole
in your eyes

no one is anything without a shield

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reason no.3

they just won't miss you when you're gone
you're just a lone lane memory
to a tiny

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I wish you would come in
in the wrong moment
with the wrong words

and then I'd just
be gone
because the time has passed
drown like stones

but it just won't happen
no remorse fills your soul
because you have nothing
for me to lean on

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reason no.2

"I could've had friends, yes, but the people in my class looked at me with pity, with sadness. It made me sick. That compassion made me want to threw up. They wanted to help me with I don't know what, more than once they came to talk to me telling me that if I wanted help, they would be there to listen. But with those showings of caring and everything, I realized they just said it to feel better with themselves, to actually have that little place in their mind where they could pin up a paper that said “today I helped Samantha Crowl” when they actually didn't. They did that because they wanted to hear how good their voices sounded when they were trying to do something for other people (in vain). So I got to understand them. They talk more than they wanted to listen, and I was the other way around. I said little words and listened to everything."

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reason no.1

cares about you

narcisisim is the main dish tonight




it's so easy to say
to promise
to reassure
but not to act

people let me down
for a number of reasons




I could break you with a touch

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how can I not crack?
explain to me, please
I'm begging you I want to know
how to feel less alone and less guilty

tell me how can I feel
if I can feel relieved or sad or what

I just wish someone would talk to me
especially him
he's lying in the gurney, you see
he can barely breathe

and I all I can do is watch him,
I can't take away his pain 
nor distract him from what's happening

he's dying
oh god he's dying
he's leaving me

but I can't crack, right?
I won't
I won't crack, not once, just for him 

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I know you're coming in the night like a thief
(I know it)
but I had some time, oh Lord, to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone
you can trust

but I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I try to nail you back up

so do you think that we can work out a sign?
so I know it's you
and now it's over
and I won't even try

I know you're coming for the people like me

we all got wood and nails
we turn our hate in factories

we all got wood and nails
we sleep inside of this machine.

until forever, my capitain. I'll miss you, but my ship will sail on.
I love you.

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I'm only human
I've got a skeleton in me
but I'm not the villain
despite what you're always preaching

call me a traitor
(I'm just collecting your victims)




in blue

I think you're wonderful
I just
I have no words
for your blue 


I have no idea
is trapping me 

I can't calm myself down
nor I can feel contempt
I can't concentrate
get out of my h e a d

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don't try too hard
don't let the wind blow you over
and make your papers fly
like leaves lost forever

don't forget this is you
whoever you want to be
and it's not about standing still
you've got to move on

move on
move on
move on
move on

we all have to move
what would we be if we didn't?

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a (w)hole

I learnt by hard 
that I should never give everything out
because it destroys you

being careful is a key
to not being full at all
and being

I've never gave everything I had
to anyone
because I haven't met anyone
worth it all

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fake plastic trees

she looks like the real thing
she tastes like the real thing
my fake plastic

and I can't help the feeling
I fall through the cieling

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nobody puts baby in the corner

and if you say this makes you happy
then I'm not the only one




I'm sorry
I left for too long

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and what will happen
when you need a second chance?
I fear that

I'm on the verge
and I won't stand for you
just because
you're afraid of what you can do

it's not like
this will last forever
I thought you knew it
better than anyone

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yet again
the soul I reach
is either

and your body is full

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I don't need anyone
but a little love 
could make things better

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she just wants you
you asshole
can't you see
you ruin everything that's set before you

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