stranger's disease

6/26/14

 

asylum dogs

are we fighting heat
or are we just trying to
close the door down
on our on demons?

your darkness is not calming.
it's dull, boring.
you are the act I have seen
five hundred times on screen.

how can you manage
this insane de-humanization
and can't handle
a simple life intervention?

check who pulls back
the strings around your hands.
see if the shadow you saw as yours
starts answering back.

if you can't live without a mask
it seems pretty clear to me
you can't stand your scars.
you don't know who you are.

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6/21/14

 

possum

drown me young, I
have not seen a person
in this world saying
life is worth living

drown me young, for
you are my only escape
and without you
there's nothing to take

who sees behind the broken
glass, the earth and the sun?
I haven't seen much yet,
and it's probably enough

we are what we breed
I'm terrified of the future, please
kill me,
before it happens that I leave

a trail that carries
whatever I believe in
a mind that embraces
the rage inside me

what will be the image?
the long lost faith
I once had
exhausted in my own hands

who sees behind the broken
glass, the earth and the sun?
I haven't seen much yet,
and it's probably enough

I don't need a life
if it's not with you
my hands are tied.

drown me young.
drown me young.
drown me young.

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6/16/14

 

the same old query

why do you love him?

asking someone to describe love is as useless as asking a cat why it likes to eat fish. it is in fact, and in counter position to common beliefs, and inhuman concept. love, in all of its forms, is not a thing. is a feeling. therefore, it can't be materialized. it has no ends and probably no beginnings. 
love gestates before blossoming into the world, since when it is not, it hurts and makes the carrier think life without love is not worth living. it is a concept that I, with time and knowledge and probably some practical experience, will be able to deconstruct and define to my own needs. but the subjectivity of this possessive, obsessive, sickening behaviour makes it almost impossible for me to answer your question. 
I love him because he's been there when I couldn't see him, and then my life forced me to see him. and love was inside me, this adoration, admiration, everything mixed with a growing fear. it was the thrill of thinking that loving someone like him would give me a reason to keep up with the routine, or give in to a little more effort. 
if I fit them in this cold, deliberate frame, then my reasons for loving can be seen as completely materialistic and banal. they are not, believe me. I can't say for certain that I am in love, but surely it's something like it. 
it's something that brings me to stand up every time I want to leave and tell myself I can go through a little bit more. it's the force that brings me out of bed in order to see his face. the force that brought me into this intriguing world of arts, even if he is the less artistic person I have ever met. we are so completely different, so outdated and miscalculated, but we depend on each other in a complicated manner. and him needing me is the best thing I can ask for. all my life he's made me feel useful. and I think loving him is the only way in which I can return his adoration.

do yourself a favor, well no, do me a favor. 
never ask anyone again why they love anyone.
not unless you're in for psychological shit.
or unless you're ready to face the consequences of being exposed to the pulp and flesh of individuals, which is in all of its forms, extremely touching.

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6/11/14

 

light the torch

maybe if I
hadn't been so
dependant
and needy for
attention when I was
at my weakest
I wouldn't have
let you scar me
so bad.
you probably
remember how
you opened up to me,
well let me tell you
your carcass broke and
I know who you are,
behind that darkness
you pretend so well
you're the weakest
fakest
person I've ever known

and I loved you anyway
I admired you anyway
but took the chance
and didn't follow you
anywhere

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6/6/14

 

sowing season

was losing all my friends
was losing some to drinking
some to driving
was losing all my friends
but I got them back

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the devil and god are raging inside me

my mom
says it's wrong
to take revenge
or pay back with what
you were given.
but I do disagree.
and she said
that that's my dad's side.
her side is
apparently more
sensitive,
kind,
and humble.
all the things
I know I'm not.
she says that
my "dad's side"
kicks in
when I get angry
or I don't want to apologize.
in all,
she guesses my flaws
are because of my dad.

maybe I
have the 
devil and god
raging inside
me?

she said no.
there is no god
or devil.
just pure
fucking
genetics.

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blind sides

why am I so
damned intelligent
if I can't even
place my feelings right

the arrogance
coexisting inside me
takes over the little
sensitive parts I had left.

if I just didn't 
feel the need
to be the best
all the damn time

I'd care
not even as half
as much as I
care now.

about anything at all.
you, exams,
your friends,
lovers;
or my lovers.

or maybe the people
I should care about:
like my friends
my family

and my cat.

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