speed dial 2

i miss you so much oh my god. like how the hell does anyone stand this. this silence. i mean please. can ANYONE actually be like this? do you think that this doesn't hurt? who the fuck are you? i can't believe i keep on missing you. i miss your silence, i miss your voice. i miss almost everything and every single aspect about spending the night with you. i can't sleep at night sometimes because i keep on remembering the relief of your lips. am i insane? probably. i don't know. i don't know anymore. someone told me that if you didn't want to talk i should try calling you but every time i decide to call you you're asleep or away or god knows where. you live lost in a forest when in reality you're living in the middle of a buzzing city and that's exactly how i am. i'm the busy streets. you know that. i'm the smoke in your lungs and i love that. then you look out the window and see nothing but grey walls and i wish i could be there to see those walls but you standing there being cold and shivering from the rain. i wish. oh god how i crave you. how i wish you weren't a ghost. some of your friends said you were like a dead man walking. and i love you nonetheless. you're skin and bones but you're my skin and bones. where are you? can you please answer the phone? i love you. please. i love you. 

trust?

i can't believe you've been broken.
i can't believe somebody walked in your veins and destroyed you.
i can't believe i stand in front of god's creation
and i see nothing but shredded pieces of glass.
who is this that has been a wave?
a colossal being that crashed you intimacy,
that thrashed your confidence,
that told you you weren't worth it?
who is this that leaves you hanging on the line,
waiting for a response,
when the heart can't take it anymore?
i can't believe there was someone so rude
to break you,

and time after time i watch from the window how you pick up the pieces
can't see me staring, but i'm there
i'm bigger than all that pain
but i can't fit through the holes
can't collate your bones
how hard is it to fix
what you haven't broken
and apologize
in the name of those you don't know
it's bittersweet i know
but it has to be done

been trying
been trying for miles
for days on end
then the sun is in your eyes
when i tell you i care
so you leave
blinded
tell me who's the sun here and who's trying to be
the pavement
the wind
the subway station
the heat
tell me who's been trying and who's been blinding
and even in silence i spend my time
not even knowing who you are