stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"



i don't know who i wrote this for

by the fear of being breakable
the knees go weak in silence
but instead it stays for long
and it's upsettling how i could call you
but i don't because
there's an image to keep
lean on me
lean on me and i'll grab you by the neck
choke choke choke
until you break
baby i love you
but i bave to make amends
and it's terrible how we are ought to break
the end isn't coming now but i can sense it before it falls
because i'm the weakest person you'll ever fuck
and i hope you fuck me tomorrow with the devotion i
the crystal clear silver metal golden shrine



other men would have left me bleeding

we take these
times alone
slowly that dreads
and drains our bodies
refuel for the next mile
each day is emptier
it closes the hand extended
as soon as we walk out the door
it's as cold as it'll ever be
i'm glad i met you before i froze to death
other men would have left me bleeding



answering machine 3/6/98

am i still sad? maybe. i don't know. i guess i've had too much wine already and no one here's oughta know. i can't pay my bills, let me tell you. i haven't eaten in a while. i have been working a lot but i still struggle to focus. i tend to lose grip on conversation after a while and easily i shut down. is this me? i can't seriously tell. maybe it's me. it's the me i've never known. the one that disconnects and tries to improve. do i still get pains in my chest when i can't get to rest peacefully? i do. why lie? i can't lie anymore. it's useless. playing the game has only made me more miserable. what about you? have you lost your mind too?


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