stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"

9/23/14

 

name one war that didn't have a losing side

what the fuck is all of this
worth?
I keep my head down
    (facing a desk)
I arch forwards, moan and wail
I cry for injustice,
but I am never heard
we do not tremble
all in spite their efforts
the tables can't hold us back
but look at us
the soldiers you train
you keep us tame
and you want us to
learn not to be scared?

how will I ever find my own pace
if every step I take
is diminished by
my age?

we keep on fighting
through words; through numbers
they toss our will around.
who's playing after all?
nobody can win a fight like this

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an empire of coins

and people’s voices talking and I marvel that they can get
        excited
and interested over nothing and I flick out the lights, I
crash out the lights, and I pull the shades down, I
tear the shades down and I light my last cigar imagining
the dream
     jump off the Empire State Building
             into the thickheaded bullbrained mob with the hard-on
        attitude.
already forgotten are the dead of Normandy, Lincoln’s        stringy beard,
all the bulls that have died to flashing red capes,
all the love that has died in real women and real menwhile fools have been elevated to the trumpet’s succulent
        sneer
and I have fought red-handed and drunkin slop-pitted alleys
the bartenders of this rotten land.

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9/22/14

 

does your phone work?

I have been hungry
for an entire day
and I'm not enjoying it.
the lightbulb of my room
I have discovered
is the cause of the
sound
that doesnt allow me
to sleep
so lets check:
no eating
no sleeping.
good.

the woman on the
bus was reading
john green.
I liked john green until
freshmen started writing
quotes of his books
in bathroom stalls.
bathroom stalls,
like buses,
are sacred to me.
I am alone when I am not.

my sister has cancer.
I wore my flowery skirt again.
there was a warm breeze.
she cried because she
cant get out of
the hospital.
well, I don't think the
outside world
holds much good.
but I have not been
trapped in a hospital bed
for a month and
a half.

we watched v for vendetta
because it's my favorite movie.
my sister was still crying.
I wish I could start a revolution
against everything that causes her wrong
but I'm tied to behaving
and I'm tired of being strong.

I was still wearing my flowery skirt
when dad drove me home.
I talked about fallacies.
he blamed me for not being there
when my sister was diagnosed.

lets check again:
no sleeping
no eating
no forgiveness.

I arrived home
mum told me
the noise came from
the fan.
it had been on for
more than a month.
she said I could have
set the house on fire
or worse.

I feel so good right now
I could probably
write a book.

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9/18/14

 

originality is dead

sorry son
I'm not proud to say
originality is dead
who am I to state?

your words are vain
despite your efforts
you are still a kid
lost in the summer rain

you want to get wet
feel alive
feel something
stand the fight

ideas are dead
drenched, vain;
stung with half-heard
comments from the outside with disdain.

maybe if you step
out of your glass cage
the world stops looking like a game
and forges its will upon you

sorry son,
originality is dead
I buried her years ago
in my head

it is time you surrender
and follow my path
after all this time
we can leave past behind.


9/8/14

 

c a r p e d i e m

I decided I don't want to be
stuck.
I've lived in the past
long enough
to see what
I'm missing out.
the present is
the most important thing
in this world
and I just can't believe
I've missed out
for so long
because now is all I have
and for nothing in this world
I will forget the past
but I won't let it make me.
I am nothing but the moment
I exist, the rest
is up to consideration.
I am everything,
I can be anything.
limits are infinite.

today (now!) was the moment
that I realised about the important
of the so clich├ęd phrase
"seize the day"
because the day is
a struggle,
night after night
and I'm not going to let it rest
if I can't leave the past behind.

this is the moment.
the only moment.

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9/1/14

 

gone for days

for the past three nights
my theory has been proved.
I have found I don't
appeal to anyone; I'm not
saying that that is wrong,
but i have been rejected
two nights in a row.
my best friend
had the decency to
fuck the guy I liked
on my bed.
as if.
I have been drunk for the
past two days
and I just dont
want to go home.
now that I've touched you
now that I've danced with you
felt your body against mine
I can't believe
those are the lips I
cant touch.
I was never your friend
its true, I shouldn't care
but apparently
I do?

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