stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"




i trail off when i get lost in (you)
i'm so sleepy i'm so sorry
just kiss me
so i don't fall asleep
we like each other
because we can't
out of our minds
and not even for a second
where i fall asleep inside my own
arms and i try not to fuck up
my make up, regardless of what they say
i can only listen to myself
and it gets hard to breathe



thoughts about feelings

i'm depressed i'm depressed
 i am d e p r e s s ed

                          i'm sinking
                                           but i think i'm just going to lay there for a couple of lifetimes


trust issues

the sole idea of missing some part of yourself sounds so strange… can i detach my body from what it used to be? ever since i was a kid i felt so safe, entrapped in my walls and suddenly i feel that the person i trust the most can betray me first. the summer has come along with so many people i never thought would ever show up. and they all did their best, so did i. “it’s hard to be a human being, and it’s harder as anything goes” sings modest mouse in the back of my head while we drive through the highway at midnight. and then it’s my conscience singing, “you shouldn’t have done that.”

and relationships are such wonderful things… i poured my heart out to people who wouldn’t have heard me even if i screamed back to their faces. some of them even call me and try to reach through my walls. i got so scared, god, i was so scared and i still am… there’s no reason to be this scared. well, maybe it was the consistent pain in my chest that works as a fountain of anguish and deception? or was it the panic striking in the subway at 3 PM? even at the top of my life, i find that the one person i trust the most can betray me, and make me go through hell when all i wanted was to deep into the ocean and sink, sink beautifully by your side…



remember when we were younger

remember when we were younger than we are now and we used to run around the city under the rain even if it was winter or summer or whatever it was // remember when we were younger than we are now and we used to be so alone we actually talked to each other like it meant something // remember when we were younger than we are now and we used to be scared of naked flesh and skin and now it's all we see

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i feel ignored

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