stranger's disease



trust issues

the sole idea of missing some part of yourself sounds so strange… can i detach my body from what it used to be? ever since i was a kid i felt so safe, entrapped in my walls and suddenly i feel that the person i trust the most can betray me first. the summer has come along with so many people i never thought would ever show up. and they all did their best, so did i. “it’s hard to be a human being, and it’s harder as anything goes” sings modest mouse in the back of my head while we drive through the highway at midnight. and then it’s my conscience singing, “you shouldn’t have done that.”

and relationships are such wonderful things… i poured my heart out to people who wouldn’t have heard me even if i screamed back to their faces. some of them even call me and try to reach through my walls. i got so scared, god, i was so scared and i still am… there’s no reason to be this scared. well, maybe it was the consistent pain in my chest that works as a fountain of anguish and deception? or was it the panic striking in the subway at 3 PM? even at the top of my life, i find that the one person i trust the most can betray me, and make me go through hell when all i wanted was to deep into the ocean and sink, sink beautifully by your side…

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