again

I've dreamt about you
every single night this week
and maybe its my mind or the weather
which are misleading me

you're the last person I wish to see
yet you are the one 
I notice the most

and then you scream my name
how am I supposed to answer?
I'm divided by a sword
and your words

oh your words

if only I knew what your mind wanders in at night

swans

maybe lately
she has been doing things
to make the dizziness go away
and unluckily she hasn't gone through it

maybe lately
he's been crying himself to sleep
or he's too tired to get out
of the bed

maybe lately
so many things have happened
we hold on tight like
ships in a storm

but there's no anchor
to the ground
we stand on

and maybe lately
someone has been looking at you
with affection and affliction
because they want you to see through

I blame the sun for forgetting
all those funny things we used to do
until life was set in front of us
like there was nothing left to prove

they say no theorems should be learned by heart
but all leassons are mechanized
to avoid thinking too much

and sincerely that's all I do,
I don't learn at school
I don't think I'll ever will

I think I'll just stop and stare
and try dechiper what everyone's got to say
but I'm no preacher
I'm just a listener

in the hope someday I'll be heard
maybe someday

afterlife drabbles

it was rather strange to me today, when I finished a long series of complicated algebra calculations, how not only my head hurt, but how I suddenly the recess had come and how I was still sitting in my place with everyone surrounding me. And when I raised my head from the books and looked into my friends' eyes, I suddenly felt out of my place. I remembered the fact that I was a human being who interacted with other people, and my soul was immediately sucked out of my carcass. I realised I wasn't only a body and a person, I was a spirit trapped in a cage. And later on when I fell asleep in class, I tried to cover myself with the blanket, thinking I was at home. I dreamt I was at the sea, where I belong. I had only slept for two minutes, and I floated in the ocean for 30 seconds. And those 30 seconds brought me back to life. I swear, I felt soaked when I woke up. Those two episodes showed me two things: there are no strings attached to anything, and that you can time-travel. Yes, that was as close as I could get to knowing what the afterlife is about.

*

doesn't get any better
than this

speak up

there is no such thing
as
unconventional
heroes

dec 2003

I don't want to go back home.
I swear I think about that all the time.
Everybody's insane.
I don't think I feel comfortable in that place
(not anymore)
It's like demons hunting my insides all the time.
I'm never alone.
I don't want to go back home.

absent

funny how
you are not there
and still there's you
everytime I turn around

it's you at the shops
it's you in the songs
it's just you, all year round
and I can't explain

why is it that all I do
reminds me of your face

same old story

no more tears
just silence
an escaping route
I need silence

what's better than losing
your
mind?

it's not the same
we're not the same
I'm not her
I never was