stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"



the tune

legs washing
two months drinking champagne
now i can't eat
can sleep
can't drink but drink anyway
the t-shirt is stained
there's only one beat and it beckons
it beckons on top of everyone else
can't shut it
can't skip it
it's still rocking me inside.


sour sleepless eyes

yes i know it's addictive
unhealthy and improbable
but there's the rain and there's my throat also
just trying to clean the duties left undone
we could just begin to mend
or mold into new shapes
whatever we'll do we'll do it together
it doesn't scare me
to catch you staring
it doesn't matter if i can go on for days
about how i think you saw through someone elses' eyes
rooftops and bandcamps and sour sleeping eyes
sour sleepless nights
    they seem so far from real to me now



history will miss this

when i was seventeen my daddy kicked me out of my house and it was raining. he left the car on and i ran away without knowing where to go. i cried on a taxi cab to my mother's empty house and i survived until she came back. now i visit him and he says i'm no good, he says i'm worthless and i can't think for myself and my voice you know, it never shakes. i never even quiver when he calls me names. i stand up for my self even if it scares me to death. even if it moves my guts so hard it makes me want to vomit. all of it, i'm all of it. i'm the one he kicked out and i'm the one that still came back.
so darling when you call me when she's in someone else's bed you're no better than the man that tried to send me away. you're no better when i'm your second choice to someone who doesn't know who you are anymore. and my voice won't shake, and my eyes will be dry when i tell you you're dishonest. i can think for myself and after being through hell and back, and after seeing through death's eyes and seeing that upon the face of chaos she still smiles, i'm not letting you put me down. you're no one. but i'm making my own history. and you're not in it. none of you are in it.


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