stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"

1/16/19

 

part iii

he said nothing
i said less.
then i left.
whatever happens between us happens
on the brink of destruction.
i only leap out of comfort when
i can think later.

always when the sea and the moon come to greet me.
she has been in my eyes this whole time.
that night she was somewhere quiet.

she's a rose, a quiet lagoon
a hidden treasure at the bottom of the sea;
he's a national anthem
he's the song my voice can sing

in the night they stay afloat
wondering what got us all together
how the strings can connect
and spin us in

i have stopped trying to guess the motions
i just take them in
let the tide take me
wherever i have to be


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part ii

she said, "you have only wasted your life!"*
i looked up and never for a second doubted she was right
but was she bound to treason?
i couldn't tell by the looks in someone elses' eyes;
for a second i'd thought i'd lose her forever!

then the tides washed me in,
the rain thought me clear
the ending of the roads kept me quiet
and the warm summer breeze at night
finally awoke my spirit.

i slept all night i think
without the nightmares seeping in.
he said he couldn't.
i wondered what happened those hours
i was away.



*oscar wilde, roses and rue

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part I

if i sat on the moon and wondered from above,
how we all became so tiny and solid
a free-formed cluster of uncertainty,
would i find the answer the stars haven't yet
provided?

i often think about shapes
and how the tides change with the moon herself
a presence of innate beauty, that challenges me
could i be an eclipse that casts a shadow so long it might never be full again?

i have been the fool for years
played behind the screens in times where
i was wrong, so was the next
and then the next of strangers

i let everyone in
hoping it could heal itself
then came the part where
i finally fell asleep broken apart

i felt the salty drops of sweat on my forehead
and winced
you said it was only normal
to make an effort for what you wanted

so i sat and asked the moon if this was what i wanted

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