stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"

6/23/18

 

past future mes

sometimes i think about what my 13 year old would think of me, you know? it's like, what did she expect to become at this age? i'm not sure. i don't think she ever fantazised about anything real, more than anything, she wanted stardom. and it's she i'm referring to, not i. no past selves are me, they're just connected. they die every once in a while. she wanted love, well, she's struggling still. i'm sorry. she never expected teaching. there's just too many things that weren't hip back in the day. two jobs? sleeping in random beds? pulling all-nighters every week? well it wears one out.
what am i expecting future me, though? that she graduates, mostly. that she's comfortable in her own body. i envision the bad weather won't stop her, nothing will. i think i'm destined to a few more years of solitude: i wanna come to terms with it so i stop pushing relationships out of nowhere. being alone is fine, i guess. i deal with it. but i hope the shadows can bear. and the lifestyle continues. i don't know. i don't wanna be angry and strange in this body forever.

Archives

January 2013   February 2013   March 2013   April 2013   May 2013   June 2013   July 2013   August 2013   September 2013   October 2013   November 2013   December 2013   February 2014   March 2014   April 2014   May 2014   June 2014   July 2014   August 2014   September 2014   October 2014   November 2014   December 2014   January 2015   February 2015   March 2015   April 2015   May 2015   June 2015   July 2015   August 2015   September 2015   October 2015   November 2015   December 2015   January 2016   February 2016   March 2016   April 2016   May 2016   June 2016   July 2016   August 2016   September 2016   October 2016   November 2016   December 2016   January 2017   February 2017   March 2017   April 2017   May 2017   July 2017   August 2017   October 2017   November 2017   December 2017   January 2018   February 2018   March 2018   April 2018   May 2018   June 2018  

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?