"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"
when I was young, my grandmother had a garden in her balcony. she was very devoted to her garden. it was her treasure.
she lived on the thenth floor of a very old building.
from up there, you almost couldn't see the floor. not because of the height, but because of the amount of wild life growing around in the balcony. there were flowers of all kind, flowers that didn't match with each other. everything was a mess. I never understood why she had so many different kinds of plants, but I never asked.
but when one of my aunts asked, she simply said, "flowers don't have to match. I just buy what I like. because I don't care about the combination, what I like about them is that, when I see them in the morning, they fill me. and I feel proud, because I can take care of them. it's more about what I think about those plants rather than what others can see."
and I thought she was right.
when I was still young, but not that young, my grandfather grew sick.
we all had to take care of him. so my grandmother stopped taking care of her plants.
and one day I asked her why her plants looked so dead.
and she sighed and said, "when you are very busy you forget about the beautiful things in life."
Labels: death, flowers
you're always holding onto stars
but
I think they're better from afar
can't you see no one here
is going to save us?
Labels: fun, me, stars
don't be nervous
it shows
don't talk too much
it shows
don't laugh too much
it shows
don't walk around too much
it shows
don't behave like that
it shows
everything shows
but nobody does anything about it
I really
really really really really really really
need you to leave me
alone
Labels: alone, ugh, you
delete all pictures
delete all videos
delete delete delete
wash my hair
three times with
different shampoos
wear new clothes
brush my teeth
delete all music
change style
tear pictures off the walls
burn all papers
no matter what I do
or how much I try
I can't delete
burn
wash
brush
change
tear apart
myself
and the memories
Labels: disregarding, me, memories, sorry
why do we feel
the need to hide our feelings?
is it because
loving you
or you loving me
is so terrible?
Labels: love, you
he said that
I had to look at people in the eye
to realise who they really were
but as he said that
I looked at him
and I got scared
of everything I'm yet to find
Labels: dark, eyes