stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"

1/27/13

 

Grandma's Flowers

when I was young, my grandmother had a garden in her balcony. she was very devoted to her garden. it was her treasure.
she lived on the thenth floor of a very old building.
from up there, you almost couldn't see the floor. not because of the height, but because of the amount of wild life growing around in the balcony. there were flowers of all kind, flowers that didn't match with each other. everything was a mess. I never understood why she had so many different kinds of plants, but I never asked.
but when one of my aunts asked, she simply said, "flowers don't have to match. I just buy what I like. because I don't care about the combination, what I like about them is that, when I see them in the morning, they fill me. and I feel proud, because I can take care of them. it's more about what I think about those plants rather than what others can see." 
and I thought she was right.

when I was still young, but not that young, my grandfather grew sick.
we all had to take care of him. so my grandmother stopped taking care of her plants.
and one day I asked her why her plants looked so dead.
and she sighed and said, "when you are very busy you forget about the beautiful things in life."

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1/26/13

 

10

how could you
even think
I wouldn't find out



 

9

stop
stop stop stop stop stop
stop stop
stop
STOP

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1/24/13

 

8

you're always holding onto stars
but
I think they're better from afar

can't you see no one here
is going to save us?

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8

don't be nervous
it shows
don't talk too much
it shows
don't laugh too much
it shows
don't walk around too much
it shows

don't behave like that
it shows

everything shows
but nobody does anything about it

1/23/13

 

7

I really
really really really really really really
need you to leave me
alone

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1/22/13

 

6

please let's
not talk about me
it gets me nervous

let's talk about you
like we always do
we always talk
about someone else
other than me

 

5

delete all pictures
delete all videos
delete delete delete
wash my hair
three times with
different shampoos
wear new clothes
brush my teeth
delete all music
change style
tear pictures off the walls
burn all papers

no matter what I do
or how much I try
I can't delete
burn
wash
brush
change
tear apart
myself
and the memories

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4

why do we feel 
the need to hide our feelings?

is it because
loving you
or you loving me
is so terrible?

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3

he said that
I had to look at people in the eye
to realise who they really were

but as he said that
I looked at him
and I got scared
of everything I'm yet to find

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2

you know
it's a seven day week
but it seems to last
seven years

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1

isn't it terrible
when you just
can't
find
yourself

in this twisted
up-side down
broken
beautiful
world?

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