the one and only: knees

this is my only consent
this is and will be
the only reason I will awake

every morning 
to find me
starving of your

classrooms and hallways
don't really mean much
and won't mean much when you're gone

if only
if only I wasn't such a proud
little jerk
I could be better at who I am
fuck, I didn't think I'd miss you this much.

I sat at the edge of the stairs
the absent silence
of your hands and maybe also your knees
or your hand on my knee

the glimpse of a touch
just makes my heart
over and over like a wrecked piece of material

where are you now?

why am I in love?
how stupid
how stupid

I shouldn't be like this
I should be someone I'm proud of
(but I can't help it
I'm proud of us)

I'm in your dreams
your handwriting
I'll be there
just hang on
let me hang on
to the memory of
the fading