stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"

6/12/15

 

don't breathe in this toxic life

lately i have become more aware
                   (well if you can call paranoia awareness)
that i might not be the person i thought i was
     at least not in your eyes.

for a second i thought i'd have a chance
but hey, who am i kidding?
i never had-
why would you be
                           exceptional?

i'm scared because this is not
the first time
i feel replaced by another pair
of green eyes
and it is also not the first time
that i revive
my spark of hope in spite
of all signals i choose to ignore.

well but maybe i'm wrong,
she says,
maybe it's not true.
maybe he likes you more
or maybe he likes you too.

but the maybe suggests
she believes me too.

i thought that maybe i'd
well maybe
once
i could be the one to
you know,
                have some fun?

                                           god i got to like him so much
                                            i hate myself

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