friday nights

today i did not smoke.
a friend told me i looked pretty
which was weird enough.
people came to talk to me.
today i did begin the night with an anxiety attack,
but it was fantastic.
i felt like though
i don't talk to people much,
they can still miss me
like i miss them.
today i took the bus home
and it rained.
i was wearing a big old yellow coat
and i walked under the rain
at three am

and though i complain,
i am happy with my life sometimes.
this solitude is not lonely.
you know what?
i like these kinds of things.
they make me feel,
i don't know.
grown up?