I keep asking myself these questions

I don't understand why
I consider myself tidy
or clean or organized.
I feel better when
there is a mess
in my hair
my room my house
my head and hands,
I feel protected.
I'm not in control
when I see the tiles on
the floor
when my hair is neat
when my paperwork is done.
I don't feel at ease.
maybe that is why
I keep creating
re shaping this mess
so I can put it back
like a little puzzle drawn
for kids like me, addicted
to feel like the world
has gone mad.

is there a name for
being addicted to