stranger's disease

"i wish i believed you when you said that this was my home"



is this pain between the shoulderblades supposed to be defeat?

I wish I was strong
strong enough to build walls
with my own bloody sweaty hands
brick after brick scar after scar

I wish I was strong
strong enough to punch through the walls
or maybe split a table in half
and hold up the weight of an elephant

I wish I was strong, I said
I wish I was something I'm not
I certainly say I am strong
truth is my core is immensely weak

weak like the sunlight on the face of the Arctic (and cold as the Arctic too)
weak like a feather o maybe
just weak as veins
cut me open and I'll bleed out

I wish I was strong enough
to hold myself in one piece
to hold my tears infront of strangers
to accept defeat

I tell myself 'I know'
'I know I'm not strong'
'I know I'm a complete failure and everything I do is wrong'
the voice inside my head mumbles, 'no, you're not'

if I wasn't strong enough
I wouldn't be here
living through the pain between my shoulderblades
swallowing the tight knot around my neck

if I wasn't strong enough I wouldn't have dreams
I wouldn't believe
I couldn't believe

if I was
something I am not
maybe I'd be gone
I prefer not to know

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