it's been raining in the desert

i'm retracing our steps,

but everything's changed,

everything's changing

the radio still fails

the heart still skips a beat

the sofa's broken and it always will be

it's been raining in the desert for days.

i retrace our steps

i'm happy to say

you're not there

you're not there anymore

and i could learn how to heal

i still feel your rush against my skin

or your smell in my hair

but these are not my memories

i've peeled them off like new skin

everyone asks about you,

you're gone with the sea

i'm gone in the wind

with the blink of an eye

i travel 900 miles

and i am no longer who i used to be

always cold

it's me. it's always been me. 

i've always been talking about myself because i'm the only character i'm capable of developing. 

here i am, i have nightmares and i still hope you'll text me as often as i think about you. i drink my coffee with milk and cinnamon. i am always cold. i dress like an adult. i wear lipstick. my hair is weird. i can't see very well. i watch all the movies you like and i sneak your social media profiles in case you manage to like me. 

i thought i could beat anxiety but it seems like it never wanted to leave me. 

i don't think i could be someone else. 

i don't think i could handle yet another universe.