i so desperately struggle to keep my mind at ease
that i forget about the joy of misunderstanding.
taking for granted what is not mine, and
what i can't take with me,
as if there's an answer within this realm
that would make me understand.
uncomfortable spaces between the locked thoughts,
where the look out the window
is a grim, dark reality,
enlightened only by rays of sunlight
of occasionally well-intended people
who live outside of me.
i thought i always knew the answer,
then i decided i didn't anymore and tried to find it again.
within my papers, in my head,
around me, in the people i love.
maybe the answer has been lost for a reason,
and i might need to stay with that funny feeling
for a little longer,
until it figures me out,
or the other way around.