the alarms go off in darkness.
i sit and wait, squint and allow light in me.
then i notice the break in silence. once again the heaviness abounds.
hoping to find safer shores, the wind keeps moving.
it revitalizes my intentions.
though i hear how i have been betrayed.
the dream this time
told the story of how i was once allowed into a place
whilst hearing your voices.
i fled as soon as i could but
there was this room,
and the terrace,
and infinity;
it all stood right behind me.
'i need to leave without being seen,' i claim.
'i need to escape. they could eat me alive'.
as soon as i am out the door,
the vision stops right before my eyes:
her long flowery dress,
her long auburn hair,
(the impossibility of not being dreaming;
the sweat of the fear)
and the knowledge that her presence
was enough
to swallow me whole.