tension has arisen. it's nested in a place i can't define as well as i can talk about the structures of life. but it's there, i feel it. it struggles to break free. my hands shake and i tell everyone, "i know panic." for some reason i want everyone to know that i can panic. just in case. in case i do it and i need help again. in case i feel like drowning. i haven't sunk my head enough since the summer. now i'm alright on the surface but it still feels like sinking...