the person i am becoming

turning out to be one of those human beings who smoke cigarretes in the park while reading david foster wallace, wearing a long camel coat, turtlenecks and red lipstick. leaving stains on plastic coffee cups and cigarette butts. having coffee in the same bar for years and buying used books. a human who is in comfort with their loneliness. a human who doesn't sleep very well and has a constant nausea that could maybe bring them closer to who they want to be. a human of gray winter days, who secretly begs for summer sunshine.