i used to hallucinate

i used to break walls and
sometimes bleed.
I look in mirrors;
I can't see

all I can appreciate
is tight skin
red face
tired eyes

I'd jolt for nothing
you would look at me
puzzled and bewildered
mostly, scared

because I saw
nightmares full of bugs
and people
crashing into cars

it's not there
it's not there
I never tell people
I never stay

let's just run away
I'm too tired
of thinking straight
where's my blanket?

if only
could make my
life better