not in here

remember when
I told you
you couldn't smoke in bed
and you just laughed

I pushed you out of the bed
and as you closed the door I fell asleep

I woke up 
like I always did
in the darkness, by nightmares
and you were just there lying on your back
one hand searching for mine

then I remember I closed the door
and sat on the floor of our new living room
we had no curtains because we had just moved in
but the moon was so beautiful I sat there to contemplate

I let my anxiety take over me
I let my worries take over me
I let everything you're not
take over me

then I heard your footsteps
and you stopped just far for me to turn and find you there standing
with a glass of water dangling from your hand
you asked if I was fine

I said yes
but you sat by my side
and we talked about life 
and maybe it was that

that confirmed
I loved you
even when I was at my worse
you were there

even when you smoke in bed
or didn't take out the trash
you would interrupt your sleep
to stay with me

when there was no one before