I don't want to go to sleep

because I'm restless.
cranky. jittery.
I'm done with all of it.

I back hurts 
my chest delivers more spasms
than it should
and my neck looks twisted

I don't sleep
I dream
I dream so lucid, so loud
it's so hard to find peace

I wake up when I shouldn't
I wake up and get confused
I wake up, I'm not awake
I'm as dead as I was hours ago

it's a nightmare
night after night
a struggle
to keep up

I can't keep up with
the dreams, the dizziness, 
the spasms,
the pain.

specially the pain.
I sleep.

I don't rest.