meaninglessness

my mom is tired of being sold things online
that never solve a single issue
and amount to nothing
in the back of a drawer.

she said her phone now knows her age,
as if a reminder was ever worth it,
of all the things she is, and she is not,
or the things she ought to be.
of course, she's right,
there's no ring or pillow or bra or comfort item that
can ail the passing of time,
the loneliness of time,
the inevitability of time;
the meaninglessness of attachment.

pre-work thoughts

I think I like my job, I just don't like the way my job likes me. maybe this space is not the place to talk about it, or maybe it is the only place, I don't know. it's 08:32 on a wednesday morning and I can't get myself to open the computer. it feels like a nightmare. yet last week I was so enthralled by all of it, by the meaning, by the objectives behind it. it feels like it drains life value out of me and after 05:30 I am nothing but a wet rag with a long list of to dos. my body aches in different ways, and I have a constant headache. it's not like it's going to stop, even my boss believes in productivity more than well being. and I get pushed in all directions. look, I'm the one person who can sure take it, but for how long? I've never broken. how long I'm going to last is a mystery. I appreciate that I am appreciated, I just wish appreciation came with space and time to think, not with... whatever this is.