I can feel myself going insane. it's been a week, I haven't told anyone but I feel it again. I'm grasping at the seams here, I'm at the end of my good days. doom is upon me, I'm fighting it with all my might, but I think it'll break me. I feel like it can break me, you know. I don't know how strong I can be without letting anyone know.
lately
lately it seems like the cheapest form of therapy is screaming into the void. and by the void I mean this blog. it's like the feelings refuse to come out of me in a different way.
it feels helpless. I haven't had a good idea in ten years and I think I'm about to sell out on the ones I already had. writing feels like a dead end, relating to people feels like a chore. I am usually angry, I barely look at myself in the mirror anymore.
I feel like men are the issue. men are consistently undermining my authority because I am a young woman. as if that meant anything. I could fix my own car if I wanted to, I just paid you for the convencience and because you happen to be an idiot. I can pay for my own stuff. I could escalate my own issues but you're in my way to upper management, so what's the use. I don't know. I don't need them. and it annoys me so terribly.
I digress — this is not the point. the point is that I am angry and I don't know how the anger is gonna come out of me.