all that lives

all that lives must die
and that is not sad but gut wrenching,
awfully dismantling of what it means to be alive;
even carving out the reasons why we even exist.
and to exist is to be able to experience joy and love and awe,
to experience it all, and nothing, to be able to choose it all.
and I choose you, even if some days I'd rather choose nothing
because nothingness it's what's familiar to me –
but it's love, it always will be,
what makes this pain worth bearing.

friday night

I can feel myself going insane. it's been a week, I haven't told anyone but I feel it again. I'm grasping at the seams here, I'm at the end of my good days. doom is upon me, I'm fighting it with all my might, but I think it'll break me. I feel like it can break me, you know. I don't know how strong I can be without letting anyone know.