after

i have found that
after the sadness,
comes the sun
there's light flooding every single corner
of a room unlit
i feel the wind rushing into me and it's not coming to get me:
this time i can approach
my own desires
with the calm understanding of a deeper truth,
the one that no longer keeps me shackled,
and doesn't bare my bones.
  after the storm i feel uniquely separated
from the aftermath i have caused.
the forces will steer us away
until the dusk approaches
and i can leave the sorrow
behind.

stranger's disease, xii

i should have let you go
when the pain sank in i should have known
it was hard to even reconsider this chance;
was this a second chance or was there anything to forgive, forever, at all?
i don't understand this bruise
i think i bumped into something on my way out
i was stuck in a hurricane for seven minutes total but it seemed like a lifetime
and i don't know why my stomach has been thinking about you
it has been roaring and going round in circles
is it trying to tell me something?
i wake up from nightmares filled with back talk and car crashes and stupid reasons why i should leave

  but she's so in love with the ecstasy of never standing still
  but she's so in love with the world
   and in love with you

 and i am nothing but a stranger's disease