I think I like my job, I just don't like the way my job likes me. maybe this space is not the place to talk about it, or maybe it is the only place, I don't know. it's 08:32 on a wednesday morning and I can't get myself to open the computer. it feels like a nightmare. yet last week I was so enthralled by all of it, by the meaning, by the objectives behind it. it feels like it drains life value out of me and after 05:30 I am nothing but a wet rag with a long list of to dos. my body aches in different ways, and I have a constant headache. it's not like it's going to stop, even my boss believes in productivity more than well being. and I get pushed in all directions. look, I'm the one person who can sure take it, but for how long? I've never broken. how long I'm going to last is a mystery. I appreciate that I am appreciated, I just wish appreciation came with space and time to think, not with... whatever this is.