a quiet stream of denial

I am tired of not being the beautiful self I know I could be,
so I've resorted to lying about my conditions,
denying my urges,
feeling my cravings disappear as I go
and I don't care.
people weren't built to understand the way
shame operates on me.
so as long as there's no shame,
just a quiet stream of denial,
it'll be fine.
I can continue lying until is not a lie anymore.
I know where I'm going,
I don't need anyone to follow.