hands

there's such a humanity in motherly hands,

not once have i resisted their gentle invitation,

their will to reconnect, mend, grab, hold, settle,

it has to be a motherly, knuckly, clunky hand,

that shimmers its weight in silver and it's moisturized,

quivering and warm.

my hands used to be warm and calloused,

now they are cold and soft,

inviting the overwhelming sensation that i too,

can follow the female leads of this family,

and foster love of my own,

four generations of teachers, supporting students,

four generations of unconformance, learning to mend on the road,

four generations, maybe more, of women holding their families together in the only way they could learn.

i see my hands and i see my future,

they will tremble, they will have scars and scabs,

they'll bear my mothers rings,

they'll hold my childrens' hands.

about corporate

day after day

i swallow dust,

i forget my name answer to voices

that have nothing better to say,

only reverberate,

make me waste my time.

i turn to ash faster than i can shine a light,

and i can't scream in this crowded room

it's a tickling sensation that doesn't come off

the type of dirt that you feel stuck

a lack of silence, of moments alone;

day after day

i lose my voice

there was yet another dream

what does it mean?

whose ghost are you?

whose shadow am I chasing?

another dream

i am struggling

to keep a memory

that feels real.

soon all that will remain

are my dreams,

and how we never met

in between.

i had another dream

you were selling your house. i for some reason showed up. it was a beautiful mashup of the houses that i have lived in, or that don't exist. the wooden floors creaked lightly under our feet. you had big lamps all over the place. you were glad i was there and hugged me - i couldn't know if i should return the embrace. but i did. for a second it felt real: your flesh, the fabric of your clothes. you were glad i was there. 

i woke up and you were gone.

4 jan

there's nothing here.

on the carpet your steps will hollow out.

the coffee machine whirrs and cleans itself alone.

you can't clean and you can't let down.

nothing here.