for years on end I've only scribbled down thoughts in the hope they'd make sense,
only now that I'm older and I've been doing this for a bit
I've come to notice there's no shame in saying exactly what you mean.
so here's what I meant:
yes you broke my heart,
yes my parents didn't stop fighting in the background,
yes, again, you broke my heart and constantly pushed me over the edge,
because you knew (better than I did) that I loved you, and you wanted to see
how far I'd go, just for fun, just for the sake of fucking it up,
yes my parents didn't stop fighting in the background,
yes, again, you broke my heart and constantly pushed me over the edge,
because you knew (better than I did) that I loved you, and you wanted to see
how far I'd go, just for fun, just for the sake of fucking it up,
and it pains me, because you're probably the worst person I've met
and I loved you, for what? for absolutely nothing.
and I loved you, for what? for absolutely nothing.
my mom had cancer and my sister died,
you insisted that I read steppenwolf.
you knew german and I wanted to learn,
you insisted that I read steppenwolf.
you knew german and I wanted to learn,
you questioned me because you thought I wanted to be like you.
I was a million times more interesting than you ever will be.
I deserved to be brought flowers,
not sharing the only house towel and sleeping on the cold floor.
I made more in a month than you in a year,
we wanted to travel but you never wanted to come with me.
I deserved to be brought flowers,
not sharing the only house towel and sleeping on the cold floor.
I made more in a month than you in a year,
we wanted to travel but you never wanted to come with me.
there was so much going on,
yet I decided to ignore it to hold your hand in a taxi cab.
there was so much I could've been,
an A+ student, a better employee, a greater daughter,
but again, my foolish little heart wasted time loving you.
yet I decided to ignore it to hold your hand in a taxi cab.
there was so much I could've been,
an A+ student, a better employee, a greater daughter,
but again, my foolish little heart wasted time loving you.
I lied when I said I wouldn't write about you again.
I wanna write about you to remind my younger self of how much we wasted
and now have recovered exponentially.
and now have recovered exponentially.
now you're a character in my book,
but only the part of you that is curious, tender, a little shy,
the part of you that taught me stillness, silence,
the part of you I liked.
the one that sat on the floor and asked "would you come to see wilco with me?"
and embraced me while we listened to your records.
the childish, not afraid to be young part of you.
oh if you would've let yourself be like that for longer,
we would've been so happy, so joyful,
but I guess now that will never happen.