reason no.5

signed it blood it read,

'I will'

and then the list went on:

'I will be there for you.'

'I will be there if you need to talk'

'I promise...'

'I promise I'll do that.'

'I promise I won't let you down'

and words fall

and it's just disappointing

that no one finishes anything they start

not even a sentence

a wish

a promise

a desire

I can't understand the need

to let everyone down

and to promise utopies

a trick

we think we think about others but we're just looking at our selves, reflected 

reason no.4

prefer not saying
not staying
not looking
just typing

in
the words for a while
but there's a hole
in your eyes

no one is anything without a shield

reason no.3

they just won't miss you when you're gone
you're just a lone lane memory
discarded
washed
cleaned
to a tiny
microscopic
incident

instances

I wish you would come in
in the wrong moment
with the wrong words
waiting

and then I'd just
be gone
because the time has passed
drown like stones

but it just won't happen
no remorse fills your soul
because you have nothing
nothing
for me to lean on

reason no.2

"I could've had friends, yes, but the people in my class looked at me with pity, with sadness. It made me sick. That compassion made me want to threw up. They wanted to help me with I don't know what, more than once they came to talk to me telling me that if I wanted help, they would be there to listen. But with those showings of caring and everything, I realized they just said it to feel better with themselves, to actually have that little place in their mind where they could pin up a paper that said “today I helped Samantha Crowl” when they actually didn't. They did that because they wanted to hear how good their voices sounded when they were trying to do something for other people (in vain). So I got to understand them. They talk more than they wanted to listen, and I was the other way around. I said little words and listened to everything."

reason no.1

nobody
nobody
cares about you

narcisisim is the main dish tonight

introduction

it's so easy to say
to promise
to reassure
but not to act

people let me down
for a number of reasons

vessels

I could break you with a touch

lungs

how?

how can I not crack?

explain to me, please

I'm begging you I want to know

how to feel less alone and less guilty

tell me how can I feel

if I can feel relieved or sad or what

I just wish someone would talk to me

especially him

he's lying in the gurney, you see

he can barely breathe

and I all I can do is watch him,

I can't take away his pain 

nor distract him from what's happening

he's dying

oh god he's dying

he's leaving me

but I can't crack, right?

I won't

I won't crack, not once, just for him 

Jesus

I know you're coming in the night like a thief
(I know it)
but I had some time, oh Lord, to hone my lying technique
I know you think that I'm someone
you can trust

but I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I try to nail you back up

so do you think that we can work out a sign?
so I know it's you
and now it's over
and I won't even try

I know you're coming for the people like me

we all got wood and nails
we turn our hate in factories






we all got wood and nails
we sleep inside of this machine.

until forever, my capitain. I'll miss you, but my ship will sail on.

I love you.

monster

I'm only human
I've got a skeleton in me
but I'm not the villain
despite what you're always preaching

call me a traitor
(I'm just collecting your victims)

heart

in blue

bloom

green

ice

I think you're wonderful

I just

I have no words

for your blue 

eyes 

I have no idea

what

is trapping me 

I can't calm myself down

nor I can feel contempt

I can't concentrate

get out of my h e a d

legs

don't try too hard
don't let the wind blow you over
and make your papers fly
like leaves lost forever

don't forget this is you
whoever you want to be
and it's not about standing still
you've got to move on

move on
move on
move on
move on

we all have to move
what would we be if we didn't?

a (w)hole

I learnt by hard 

that I should never give everything out

because it destroys you

being careful is a key

to not being full at all

and being

incomplete

I've never gave everything I had

to anyone

because I haven't met anyone

worth it all

fake plastic trees

she looks like the real thing
she tastes like the real thing
my fake plastic
love

and I can't help the feeling
I fall through the cieling

nobody puts baby in the corner

and if you say this makes you happy
then I'm not the only one
lying

teeth

I'm sorry
I left for too long

hands

and what will happen
when you need a second chance?
I fear that

I'm on the verge
and I won't stand for you
just because
you're afraid of what you can do

it's not like
this will last forever
I thought you knew it
better than anyone

mouth

yet again
the soul I reach
is either
dead
or
empty

and your body is full

bang

I don't need anyone

but a little love 

could make things better

beep

she just wants you
you asshole
can't you see
you ruin everything that's set before you